15 weeks.... Then, Then, and Now!

In my pregnancy with Oliver, taking weekly pictures turned out not to be a good idea!  It was overbearing, I was too picky about them being "the same" and then, well, the last trimester didn't even happen so I only had a few pictures of "growing baby" since I quickly got frustrated and gave up.  So when it came to my pregnancy with Elliott, I asked my friend if she would take the pictures for me.  She came up with the great idea to use her ipad with the number week on it and since we alternated houses for playdates each week, we would do it every other time she was at my house, coinciding with every four weeks.  They turned out phenomenal and we got quicker and more precise each time, end result = a beautiful collection of monthly pictures that I am still SO proud to look at to this day.  The one thing I had Nate do was to recreate the same exact 15 weeks picture in the same outfit as with Oliver.  Different walls, different couch, still managed to get the same framed picture in the background.... completely different look!  So I knew I wanted to do that again this time.

Surviving the snow storm we just had isn't exactly the best term to use.... I told my grandmother I'm not quite sure we survived it, but we have managed to be revived.  In the business I forgot that Elliott turned 15 months!!!  Which then reminded me NOT to forget that I had to track down my outfit for the 15 week comparison picture.  Funny story, I almost sold it in the yard sale I had with my friends in the fall.... what was I thinking?!?  Anything but the fact that it was 15 week outfit apparently!  Thankfully no one bought it, I'm sure I would have been happy had someone bought it then, but pretty unhappy today when I realized it was gone.  Anyways... so I put it on with suspense wondering how it was going to look considering I was a completely different weight now.  I was disappointed when it wasn't the amazing look I was hoping for just by how it felt.  But then let me tell you something, when we took the pictures and held the camera up against the tablet to make sure they were enough similar, I couldn't believe what I saw.   As I said last week, things aren't always how you feel they are!  And so I give you: the 15 week comparison pictures!

Excuse me while I take another second.... or two.... to be excited! And to note how perfectly Nate managed to replicate last years picture :)  It's not going to always work, but now that I've seen this, I can try to remind myself, even when I feel my worst, how healthy I actually am.... comparatively speaking!

This week's been really rough... we've all been through some various level of sick, most manageable, some not and Elliott is still going through it.  Every other day I have no energy and having been stuck in the house for several days was no help.

But this was fun...

 Yesterday was my birthday.... and the official 15 week day, and we did manage to go out to dinner which was nice!  We went to a really nice place in the city for restaurant week where you only have a few choices they course out which was a fun change in pace from Friendly's or pizza.... not that I don't love either of those things!  And tonight I got to go to MOPS mom's night out which was bowling!  I was worried I wouldn't have the energy to bowl much, but it turned out to be so fun with a great group of mammas that I will hopefully continue to get to know!

So that's about it for this week! Nate is kicking me off the desktop anyway.... how bossy... but I just wanted to get this done tonight before I didn't have time again for several days!  Thanks for reading <3

Until next time...

Vulnerability....

So this weeks topic is inspired by the fact that I got my MOPS (Mother of Preschoolers) welcome book in the mail... it's not possible I have a pre-schooler is it?!?.... Anyway, vulnerability is one of the short chapters in the welcome book and as I read it this morning with a whining one year old hanging on my legs I thought it summed things up pretty good for me right now.

Let's talk about my weight.  I never really felt super comfortable about that, but I didn't let it rule over me either.  In fact, looking back at pictures from college:

Look at us babies!!!!

I was actually pretty skinny.... not that that label matters... but I never felt like it.  Just goes to show you that what you think about yourself isn't always the case.  I tried going to the gym a few times over the years with success, and each time I did that I surprisingly was pregnant within a few months of starting (hint hint, think that means anything!?!) But then I would stop because I got too paranoid I would hurt something.  I also never ate well, at all.  Could have pretty much cared less what I ate.  Sure we had veggies now and then and I like fruit and all.... but other than that I just ate what I ate.

After Elliott was born, I would nurse him at night standing up and almost walking the room, it was easy, he was small and it seemed to work to get him back to sleep.  My mirror was in that path.  I spent a lot of time thinking "I am super mom, look at what I can do for this baby and stretch marks? who cares?"  "flames of creation" as my friend calls them :)  But I also spent a lot of time dwelling on how I really looked and more importantly how I really felt.  I felt like I always had to hide in a certain type of clothes that made me feel comfortable enough in my won skin.  I felt tired.  I felt unhealthy.  And I felt sad about thinking there was no way I was ever going to change that if I hadn't yet.  I had even gotten rid of any clothes I had been hanging onto "just in case they fit" again one day.  And one night something snapped and I felt tired of feeling that way.  Over the next 6 months I changed my eating habits.  I would like to say I also started "working out" but not really.  Let's face it, I hate it.  I am not a working out kind of person.  But I do like to dance, so I did Zumba type things on YouTube, fun stuff!  Long story short, I lost 30 pounds in 6 months and overall have adopted a lifestyle of eating habits that, even on my worst day now are better than my every day then.

Which brings me to my breakfast this morning (and my taco bell last night)

That's right.... star wars cereal.  I asked my mom to pick us up "fun cereal" for the impending snow weekend.  And this is what she got.  Oliver loves it so it was worth every non nutritional gram of nothing that is in this box! 

By my scale, and how I've been weighing myself for the last year, I've only gained about 5 pounds, which puts me at 132, still such a healthy weight for me.  The doctors office has it at more because I've been weighed on three different scales with jeans and shoes on.  Anyway, how is it possible that I feel worse than I ever did before and I've only gained 5 pounds.   Goodness gracious!  I told Nate I was just eating poorly and getting fat, because that's how it feels!  Is that how it's supposed to feel when you start off pregnancy healthy????  I don't care for it!  Of course he actually said just the right thing back, he said that from how I started there was no way that eating just some different from how I was and only gaining 5 pounds was me just being fat and that he could tell I looked more "baby-ish" this week.  Awww, he can be so sweet sometimes! keyword there being sometimes ;)  But that doesn't stop me from just feeling otherwise!  So I went to our local consignment store to get Oliver snow pants and decided it was worth the money to get a few long sleeved maternity shirts.  Oh boy can they make a difference!  Just wearing one last night made me feel so much better.... worth the buy.  I know I'll still wear whatever I want around the house, but for going out purposes it changes everything, so helpful hint if you ever find yourself feeling like this, buy a few legitimate maternity shirts.  Don't break your bank, but don't just settle for "bigger" shirts, actually get a few with those scrunched up sides that are longer and say "maternity" on them :)  Changes everything!

So I guess according to Nate, that's this week's news.... 14 weeks... is that I look more like I'm having a baby... But it's been a distracting week.  This coming month is Babies R Us baby gear trade in and I am trying to decide what to do about needing to fit three car seats in my car.  It won't be logistically reasonable for us to trade in my car any time soon, and I'm all for the cheapest thing is the thing you already have.  So I'm thinking about getting slightly more expensive, but slimmer car seats for the boys that should allow three across my back seat, but wasn't quite prepared to do that this month, though with the discount the trade in offers it really would be the cheapest way to acquire said new car seats so I'm working on that. With the snow coming, Oliver has snow pants but completely inefficient gloves so I'm guessing he won't be out there long, but I'm not really looking forward to it either way because it starts the messy roads, potential for slipping, need to defrost the car time of year that really only makes a mom's life that much harder!  We also are hemorrhaging cold air from every single place that opens and shuts in this house.  I was rather proud of myself for my solution to the front door issue!  Nate is right, the whole darn thing needs to be replaced, but that doesn't solve it short term.  Enter:

The Seattle blanket.... we didn't intend to spend any more money in the space needle gift shop than a magnet and a golf ball.  Very funny.  So when it came down to whether we would like a blanket for just $10 for having spent $60... sure why not!!!  Yesterday I pinned it up in front of the door and shoved it in the hinges.  Best blanket ever.  It's still cold by the door, but you can no longer feel unwanted air conditioning coming through it :)  Take that, house!

And on a last, more positive note.... I don't usually buy things that neither I nor anyone else I know can use... but at the consignment store yesterday I seriously couldn't resist this one.... you wouldn't be able to either and you know it!

How gorgeous is this little thing?!?  No one I know has a girl in 6 months sizes, and I won't know if this baby is a boy or a girl until July (more on that later) but I just had to buy it anyway... and for only $4.50 new with tags, even if my baby isn't a girl someone will have one one day and this will make a perfect baby shower gift when they do, so it had to be mine!

So yes.... vulnerable time for me right now... lot's going on, lot's to figure out, lots to think about, lots of things I should really stop doing but come on taco bell is really good stuff!  But in any case, maternity shirts are awesome so bring it on, all of it!

Until next time!

Well hey there baby!

So it's been a long time since I've done a blog post.  I just don't really have time.  The desk top is down in the office which is pretty secluded from the boys upstairs.... we did that on purpose so Nate could focus on his masters classes without being interrupted as much... and I don't like doing anything that takes more than a few minutes on the tablet because I just don't know if I will ever transition to be touch screen fluent.  So I rarely respond to emails in a timely fashion unless it's very important etc because when I get a few minutes to myself I would usually rather do anything else than what it is I actually should do.  But anyway, here it goes!  I wanted to do something other than just posting on Facebook every few weeks.  Ok that's really only because I read a lot of pregnancy blogs, looking for inspiration on how to better this pregnancy as compared to my other two in hopes of it being healthier.  These mammas that blog years and years of their lives, their words and thoughts just seem to flow and they never miss a beat.  I don't aspire to that, but if I could commit to a 365 day photo blog some handful of years ago, surely I can get some thoughts out other than "13 weeks!!!!(and many more exclamation points)"

So that's where we are. 13 weeks!!!!!!! Note the exclamation points!  Hello second trimester!

I still sometimes forget I am even pregnant.  Why?  Who forgets that?  Well when it takes two years of trying for the first baby, and almost another two years of trying for the second baby, and then with only one post partum cycle behind you, you're holding a positive pregnancy test, you tend to forget that you're not still trying for another two years.... because holy crap you're pregnant!  And not only that, but already 13 weeks now!  As in fully developed arms and legs, looks like a human, about to really start showing, not too long before you start feeling movement pregnant!

So that was a bit of a surprise :)  I knew I had wanted to get to Elliott's first birthday before even really thinking about a third baby.  Most of my friends have reported a loss of milk supply while still nursing and getting pregnant, and it was important to me that Elliott get that first year in (P.S I'm still nursing him to date which is awesome).  My period also hadn't returned yet so it wasn't much of an issue waiting really... though I admit when my friend's sweet baby girl was born in March I won't say I wasn't already thinking about it!  In September, everything started back up and I thought "ok well next month is Elliott's birthday so I'll just see how that goes after not having it for 11 months"  If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans!

Due Date:  July 20th, 2016!

Thankfully it seems like the beginning of my pregnancies are rather consistent and uneventful.  I don't really get any morning sickness.  With Oliver I was queasy for a few hours in the morning until I could eat and then I was usually good to go.  With Elliott I was always ridiculously hungry to the point where if I wasn't eating I would feel awful, so I just ate, and ate, and ate.  Did I mention it felt ridiculous!  With both, that subsided by about 10 weeks.  This time it was the same concept just a little more tame starting at about 6 weeks and now it's pretty much gone.  Though this baby is really back and forth on what it does or doesn't want me to eat.  I can eat fish sticks, but even the thoughts of salmon or anything like that as a meal really bothers me.  Nate has decided to call this one Spaghetti Baby, because I've eaten spaghetti the last three days for dinner and I LOVE it!!!

6 weeks

I kept this to myself for a while I think because I was just so surprised it happened right away so I kind of wanted to have something only we knew for just a little while.  Also... the reality of something very important to this one still comes and goes.  I've had two C-sections.  This one really really really needs not to be.  It's what I had wanted for Elliott, but at 39 weeks I still hadn't gone into labor and my blood pressure was high so I went ahead and agreed to the csection.  I spent a few weeks calling one practice at a time, with a few days in between because hearing "no we can't do that, it's too risky" would make my head spin every time.  I must have called 10 practices.  When all this was just a theory, I had been in touch through facebook with our local birth center to see if they had any suggestions of where to look into.  They had said they were actually taking VBA2C (Vaginal Birth after two Cesareans) on a case by case basis and to get back in touch with them when I was ready.  I procrastinated calling them, because I thought for sure there was no way possible it would ever work out.  But having heard so many no answers already, I figured I didn't have anything to lose so I dialed the number.  right away they referred me to a practice that they refer all their VBAC patients to and said to go through them first.  So again, I called not terribly hopeful.  The receptionist on the phone started taking down my information right away, including the fact that I had had two prior C-sections which she made not a single comment on.... at that point I saw a light.  I made an appointment for 8 weeks figuring if nothing else I would start there since it was not a no!

8 Weeks 2 Days... heartbeat 177!

And there I have stayed and feel like it's my best chance!  Both doctor's I've seen so far have given me the go ahead that if all is healthy and I go into labor by 41 weeks that I can "absolutely have a VBAC if I want to"  Not one mention of increased risk, not one "it's unlikely so you shouldn't count on it"

So if anyone prays for anything... pray for healthy, no high blood pressure, no pre-eclampsia, and major prayers for going into labor by 41 weeks.  I feel like if I've gotten this far, I can handle anything if I can just get there!

We told our families on Christmas day.  Nate's family in the morning and my family in the evening.  My family was the best reaction I've gotten from any of the three pregnancies from anyone.  It really was almost YouTube worthy, but I mostly think those are silly and of course since it was a surprise, no one was filming it anyway!

This was the last gift of the evening to my Grandmother.  A frame with all her great grandchildren in it... Oliver, Elliott, my niece Lyla, and the new baby picture says "I'm on my way" with the due date!  It took her a minute of looking at it and I was thinking my sister was going to get it first, she may have, but then all of a sudden my Grandmother yells "WHAT!?!?!"  And of course some others had been waiting to see what the gift was and my mom starts yelling "WHAT??"  Pretty much everyone in the room took their turns yelling that :)  It was crazy, but so fun!  And I must say that the pictures of the boys and Lyla look rather beautiful themselves!  So that was at 10 weeks.

I started exercising last week.  When I was pregnant with Elliott I did physical therapy for pain in my leg (with Oliver it started at 14 weeks, with Elliott a grand old early 10 weeks)  but that was about as active as I was which hardly counted.  I know I need to do better this time.  So for 30 minutes a day during Elliott's first nap, Oliver and I do exercise time.  Sometimes he does it, sometimes he doesn't.  I already feel so much better.  I don't feel so much like sludge anymore and I think I sleep better.  I was just dragging my feet the weeks before that because I didn't want to.  So far I've only felt twinges in my left leg, but fingers crossed it stays at that maybe with being a little healthier this time!

12 weeks

At my first trimester screening....

12 weeks 5 days... heart beat 161

This picture took an hour and a half to get!  The baby was straight up and down, which is not at all a good position for them to measure what they need to.  So I walked, I sat, I drank water until I was about to explode, I was on my left side, then my right.  Finally, when she was about to give up on me and make me reschedule, we tried one more time and sure enough the baby had flipped and she was able to get what she needed!  Stubborn much??  I remember having to go back for that test with Oliver because they couldn't measure his nasal bone, which obviously he has :)

As a side note.... all these years I could have died of Rubella apparently!!  the midwife who I saw read off all my blood work results and said that I was negative for the antibodies for Rubella which means my vaccine didn't take when I was young.  She said it was common in late 1980's vaccines, which I would have been like 1988 so there ya go!  Nice!

Annnnyway.... so that about brings up to date.  I've been a little more tired this week, but overall feeling pretty good.  And I *might* be feeling some movement when I sit or lay on my side.  I was 15 weeks when I started feeling Oliver move and 18 with Elliott, so given this is the third baby and I know exactly what I'm feeling for I wouldn't be terribly surprised if it's earlier.  Fun stuff! 

Thanks for hangin in there for a long first post.  Anything to follow shouldn't be this long :)  Until then!