35 weeks.... See ya later Level III NICU!!!

Another six weeks have come and gone my friends!  And here I sit with a monumental lack of things to say... which is a great thing really!  But the only thing I kept thinking about for the last week or two is that we are now past the point of needing a level three NICU just because of gestational age.

After 32 weeks you can pretty much stay put where you are unless there is an additional medical need to be transferred to a hospital with a higher level of care.  If I had just been three more weeks along with Oliver I could have stayed where I was and they would have tried to induce me.  But by the time the decision was made that it was better for me to be where they could care for him if I couldn't make it that long (I think it was pretty obvious already that I wouldn't)  I was too sick and he just needed to come out.  So when I was pregnant with Elliott I made sure that I was already going to be admitted to a hospital that could care for another premature baby if that were the case.  This time I made my decision based on NICU level and of course whether they would allow for a VBAC, but during the tour of the hospital, I smiled politely at the doors of the NICU as we stopped to talk about it and thought "Nice knowin ya!" to myself.  Because now, at 35 weeks, unless there is an unforeseen complication, we shouldn't need it for more than a handful of days if even that.

So that's where we are.... this is my 33 week picture... of course late, but I've been super busy!

The boys and I have been very busy all day long for the past few weeks getting routines in order to keep the house together.  Laundry, kitchen, bathrooms... adding in new priorities every week or where I find them and they fit in easily to what's already established.  Getting rid of things, reorganizing etc. But finally this week I feel like everything is in good enough maintained shape that I obviously felt I had time this afternoon to sit and do this (after a poor attempt at a nap, but who needs them!) instead of either cleaning or hiding from cleaning!

My leg and my back pain are starting to flare up more often and worse now.  Which makes me really glad I did get established with physical therapy even when it wasn't hurting that much at all.  I felt silly at first because they would ask me my pain scale and I would make up a number even though I had explained to them why I was there repeatedly just to hopefully keep it manageable etc.  But I realized I'm just a few pounds short of how much I weighed before I lost weight last year and that means I'm in the range I was starting out in my other two pregnancies where the pain started much earlier.  So I guess that means that it could really be a weight thing, like the more weight is pressing on the nerves to worse it gets.  A few nights ago  I woke up in the middle of the night and it was so bad no matter what I did I couldn't make it feel any better.  Finally after over an hour of tossing and turning and stretching with no relief, I feel asleep with my fist in a ball under my back putting pressure where it hurts the most which is what she does in physical therapy that feels really good..  On the bright side, I have only up to six more weeks to go!!!  So my hope of keeping things manageable longer came to pass and I'll take it!!!

I'm also really excited about this picture...

This was from 4 weeks ago when I was 31 weeks.... but I forgot to even post it anywhere.  As I think I've mentioned, I joined MOPS this year.  It has been a wonderful experience especially meeting these other mammas in the same stages of life I am.  At various times, we had three pregnancy announcements.  There's me, due in July.... Catie due with her second in August, and Kelly also due with her second in September.  All baby boys!!!  We're just missing Kim who up and moved on us (sad face) but she is also having a boy in September!!!  This was our last meeting before the summer break, so when we come back it will presumably be with three new little men <3 Oh my! Life is always better together :)

Well, it's getting too hot in the office for me to stay... and why my boys aren't awake I have no idea... but I may do another update this week.  I have a regular OB appointment tomorrow and then I'm every week appointments after that.  And a growth scan on Friday.  At the last one at 31 weeks he was measuring perfectly at 3 pounds 14 ounces.  We call him fat baby.  I don't think he likes that as he is constantly beating me up in retaliation.  But he has been and stayed head down so at least he seems cooperative in that area!  I'm looking foreword to seeing what they estimate his weight to be this week.  Though I still don't anticipate too big,  I definitely get a feeling he is growing better since I am healthier  <3

So until then...

When life pours you lemonade...

It's likely best to not think about how much sugar is in it and just go for it :)  Unless of course you don't like lemonade and then... well... not sure what to say about that right there!

Anyway...

I've gotten so used to waiting for the lemons.  When life hands you lemons, right?!  But why does it always have to be about making good out of the bad?  Why can't it be looking for the good, period.

My life is good.... my life is great actually.

So why should I focus on anything bad???

Not to mention, this baby has a major sweet tooth... oh my goodness... I swear if all the sugary stuff in the world didn't make me feel like total sludge, it would be all I ever ate or drank.

Back to the point.  I could go into all the details of the seemingly not so good things that I just have to make good out of.  But I've decided I'm not going to do that anymore.

~Today, I am 30 weeks pregnant.
~My baby is still on the inside.
~My blood pressure is a gorgeous record low of 100s/60s. Period.          
~I'm tired and things hurt, because I've got an almost 3 pound baby making my insides feel like an alien is going to burst out.... and I love it!
~My house is a mess, because my children enjoyed playing with their friends last night.
~My car finally has air conditioning and it cost me less to get it fixed than I thought it would.
~My kitchen is also a mess and my husband put away the left overs and sent me upstairs with water he got me so I could rest after play date last night.
~Today, it feels like someone ran me over with a truck and I'm taking the boys to finally get their hair cut and have lunch with their granddaddy afterwards and it's going to be a great afternoon!


No ifs or buts about it.  Not a reason in the world to focus on what I "don't have" or "don't get" or what "might happen"

Life doesn't have to be perfect.... and every moment doesn't have to be one where you don't show any weakness.  But I've come to realize how much that the world around me focuses on the negative. And that's just not how I think life should go.

I came to these realizations last week when I was spending some days being quite miserable about life.  I wanted to take my 29 week picture, but my curtains were pulled down by the boys again, I couldn't find my camera again, and I couldn't think of the perfect shirt to wear for this one.

Then I got to thinking.  The point of documenting....  blogging and picture taking.... is to show your life.  So this is my life!  Just ask my husband, I live in these penguin pants.  They're the only pants I have that I don't have to constantly pull up and that don't make me feel constricted.  Just ask probably anyone who's seen me outside of the house in the last several months, I live in this Seattle sweater.  It's the only thing I own that makes any time I feel uncomfortable better.  Whether I'm feeling insecure about the way I look, or I'm cold.  Yet another thing I thought I had wasted my money on in the gift shop that has proven too useful to regret.  And my hair is almost always up in a pony tail.  And guess what, my curtains spend more often than not... pulled down.  So what's wrong with showing that?  It's my life... so why not capture it that way!

These two things are also my life!

The boys and I finally blew up my new exercise ball... my old one met it's demise with the cats last year!  I highly recommend having one of these in your house if you're pregnant even if all you ever do is sit on it!  It was only $5 at Walmart.  And the milestone day of 29 weeks 2 days (when Oliver was born) marking the longest I have been pregnant without high blood pressure.

I also highly recommend Raspberry leaf tea!  I started drinking it after 24 weeks, the jury is kind of out on any agreement as to when it's "safe" in pregnancy so ask your doctor if it makes you feel better or do your own reading to decide when is best for you etc.  I like chai tea and chamomile tea.... but other than that I don't like other herbal teas because I think even if you leave the bag in for the recommended amount of time, it still tastes funny without sugar etc in it and more often than not I forget it's even in there and it's undrinkable.  Red Raspberry leaf tea however, I can leave the bag in and forget about it and it still tastes fine, because it doesn't taste like much of anything.  I'll drink it alone, or sometimes put honey in it.  It makes me feel good knowing I'm doing something good for my body and the baby... it tones the muscles in your uterus and is supposed to help your labor and contractions move along more effectively. 

I also plan to do this with it when it finally starts getting hot towards the last few weeks:
http://wellroundedbirthprep.blogspot.com/2011/12/red-raspberry-leaf-teapunch-popsicles.html

The cup needed to be in the picture because it's one of my favorites... Nate's grandmother sent it home from Washington with me, and is very fitting for the calm and positive life I would like to live!

For the first time, I feel like I have a real shot at a healthy ending to this pregnancy.  Whether or not I will be able to deliver naturally is in God's hands, but I have a good feeling I'm doing all I can to end it healthy no matter what else happens!

Thanks for reading and as always keep, the prayers and positivity coming <3 Until next time!

Third trimester here we come!

So I'm pretty much starting this post over because I started it a week and a half ago but never had time to finish it.  Figure I might as well just start new.

I'm almost 27 weeks now, but this is my latest picture at 25.  I probably don't look huge, but I feel like I am.  That's a good thing though I guess?!  This part feel like it goes slow.  I spend so much time and emotional energy waiting to be in the window of viability and having things be ok if he needed to be born now, and then once that passes I feel like now the waiting for him to be born is just going to take FOREVER!!!!  Even though I know that that forever is going to turn into a one year old in the blink of an eye, Elliott case in point. Things go back and forth between baby being up high and I can't breathe, to all the way down low and "please stop kicking or whatever it is you're doing in that direction!"  I prefer the down low because I prefer being able to breathe,  but it can get downright uncomfortable either way sometimes.  Energy is come and go.  Some days I feel great and can keep on top of everything, and others I don't want to move at all.

I can eat tilapia now!  Since early on I couldn't even stomach the thought of anything fish related if it wasn't fish sticks.  Which put us out one usual menu item as we often make things out of salmon.  I still don't want salmon.  But I was in the store and saw a bag of tilapia a few weeks ago and thought "I could handle that" and so I can apparently!  I just thought that was important for everyone to know :)

Jeanne helped me go through the baby clothes yesterday :)  Except for onesies, all my summer stuff starts at 3-6 months.  Oliver wore those his second summer home (just goes to show you how little he is) and Elliott skipped right through that size going straight into 9 months and up in the summer.  So I might try to collect a few little newborn/0-3 rompers etc, but I am super set on onesies of all sizes because I like to have them under long sleeves in the winter.  I'm so excited he will be able to wear all the cute 3-6 month rompers I have though, they were so adorable on Oliver and I was sad Elliott skipped through them.  They will go on to see another boy :)  And a little palm tree girls shirt I picked up back before I had either of the boys and I loved palm trees.... that will get to see some use by miss Leslie (Jeanne's one year old)... I was holding onto it for if I had a girl, but when we found it in the bin I knew I would much rather her get use out of it then just keep holding onto it, and she's so cute in it so that made me happy as well!!

Baby definitely has hiccups now once or twice a day.  I would not want to have unborn baby hiccups lol they are fast and rhythmic and seem to last forever sometimes, but I don't get tired of feeling them either. 

In other news.... he has a name :) :)  We aren't sharing until he's here.... and honestly we don't even say it really.  It was the same with Elliott.  We didn't know boy or girl, but had names picked out from 20 weeks on and never referred to them after deciding.  I'm not one to sit with several names and choose what I think they look like when they arrive and I don't like waiting for things that way.    So I was very restless not having a name yet.  We tried several times to talk about it which just ended in getting nowhere.  Then one evening we came to an agreement on two acceptable names, agreeing we didn't really like anything else enough to seriously consider more of a list.  But I liked one better and Nate liked the other better.  He wanted to let it settle and wait, but I don't like indecision that way and wanted a name picked.  He wouldn't budge though on letting them settle and thinking about it to see if one of us either came around to the other one or found a compelling reason why one or the other wouldn't work.  So I went to bed unsettled and irritated.  And like he said to, I thought.  And overnight.... I actually changed my mind!  So this is a daddy's pick :)  But I feel good about it!  Like I said, we don't say it, but I think about it and it suits how I feel about him on the inside so I am certain it will suit him on the outside as well.  I hadn't even seen Oliver yet when we picked his name and all Nate contributed looks wise was that he did not look like the Ethan I wanted lol  I agree now!  And I never had any reservations about Elliott, he just was Elliott the second I heard "it's a boy" I have a good feeling this will be the same way with this one!  We have a "subject to change" middle name that we're both good with unless we find something we like better before he's born,  I'm less concerned about having that set in stone because I want it to be good, but as long as I have a first name to go on I can wait out the middle name for the exact right fit.  So for anyone whos been suggesting.... the baby name suggestion train has officially left the station ;)

Well I'm going to wrap this up so I can go clean my horrible living room and start dinner before the Elliott wakes up.... Until next time <3

P.s.  My toe is all healed.... only took a month, but I can finally function 100% normally with it again!  Yay! 

P.P.s  My camera has been found.... and right on Nate's desk where I looked a hundred times but of course it took giving up on looking for it to find it.  When Nate heard where it was he jokingly tried to take credit for finding it,  but claims he actually has no idea!

P.P.P.s  Prayers please :)  I'll be 27 weeks on Wednesday and this is the time where everything has started to get difficult in my last two pregnancies.  I'm trying to have a good feeling this one will be better, but it's still not the easiest thing to keep the worries away.  So positivity my friends.... keep it coming :)

Growth Scans...

Yesterday was my first of what will be a few monthly growth scans to make sure baby is  growing well.  One of the first indications that there could be any trouble is if the baby is growing slower than he should be.  But they said he looks great!  Estimated weight at 22 weeks 5 days was 1lb3oz.  He was sleepy I guess because he kept yawning :)

Since finding out it's a boy, I've wondered who he will look like.  Oliver and Elliott have sibling similarities in their expressions etc, but they do look different. 

This is me and my three siblings... we look the same, but different.  So the boys look about as the same/different as my two brothers I think!  And with me and my sister. David and I being born more or less full term, and Andrew and Suzanne being born premature.

Yesterday I got to see a 4D of the baby... I've never had that with either of the other two.  It shows so much, it was awesome.  I still don't know what it will actually feel and look like to hold him when he gets here, but....

this is Elliott when he was almost two months old...

and I always wondered what he might have looked like naturally had he been born without the cleft lip. Well I think he would have looked something like this...

My first thought when she switched to this view was "oh my gosh he looks like Elliott!"  Those pudgy little lips on the side :) I always wondered if that was because of Elliott's cleft lip or that was a unique look to him, now I have my answer!! 

Oddly enough, seeing this view of him affirmed for me that I'm 100% happy with having another boy and knowing it.  I spent the last few weeks sort of regretting (not really, but just a nagging feeling) that we found out.  Not because it's a third boy, but because... well... now what?  With Oliver and Elliott there was so much anticipation and waiting and excitement.  Sure, it was a little tough having to tell every single doctor I saw that I didn't want to know the gender.  And I wasn't able to take advantage of any good deals on clothes, or know whether I should buy the whole bag of consigned girl cloth diapers at the consignment store.  But that "it's a..." moment at delivery was thrilling.  I still hold to that.  I just wanted to know what it was like to find out.  And now I think you're either a find out person or you're not.  I'm not!  If all you've ever done is find out, you might find waiting boring or stressful.  But if all you've ever done is wait, then you might find that knowing isn't really all that exciting or something like that.  Hard to describe really. I've heard and read many statements (not personally) of "well you've never done it so how would you know" to people who claim one way or the other is better.  Now that I have done both I can personally say that neither way is better, or write or wrong, it's all about what you personally find exciting etc!  Anyways, after the ultrasound yesterday, I was all good with our decision.  I think it also made a difference that it was the first time I saw proof ;) lol  I didn't look at the anatomy scan because I was waiting for Nate.  And the next one was just a quick one where he confirmed boy, but it was all arm and legs to me.  This time, she was just going along and I was like "oh hey, I'm guessing that's "it's a boy" parts right there?"  No doubt about it.  There will definitely be no possibility the tech was wrong if I was able to spot it on my own!!

This child still needs a name though.  Oliver and Elliott were easy.  We didn't do the two vowel thing on purpose though and likely don't intend to use another vowel.  So it's a little tough this time!  I feel like I'm aware of all the boys names out there really.  Girls names, we had the same one picked for 7 years, so it wasn't until this time that I thought I might want to change it that I started looking at all the other beautiful possibilities out there.  I kind of know what there is for a boy.  We don't want trendy or overused, but it likely has to be at least somewhat common sounding so as not to clash with the other names.  No E,O,T, J, or N  (I like some J names, but I'm not sure I'm willing to bend on my no repeating letters that already exist in the family rule.)  So he just remains baby for now :)

Halfway baby!

It's been a while!  We've been busy and I feel like I haven't had much to say.  But I am 22 weeks now which is over halfway through this pregnancy :)  I can't believe how fast (and slow) it's going.  It's starting to get real that it's time to actually start preparing for this to happen.  This picture is from 21 weeks, but I haven't had a chance to get  to this post until now.

First of all, I lost my camera.  I have a feeling it went into "Elliott put it somewhere, possibly like the trash can and it went out with the trash" land.  I have searched everywhere high and low, looking in all the spots I thought a child could possibly have put something or just been playing with it and dropped it.  It's nowhere to be found.  I have found the boy's water cups both in the trash can before.  So it's not unlikely, I didn't even notice I didn't know where it was for about a week though, which is why I think there's a better than average chance.  I don't really feel like finding a new one right now, so Nate is going to take the pictures with his phone.  Which is why this picture isn't "20 weeks" because I was in denial that the camera wasn't just going to show up at some point.  I'm not in denial anymore, but have moved on to some stage of grief, after which I will decide if I'm going to hunt down another ebay replacement!

Second, I broke my toe.  I broke it because about a week ago, I got a huge burst of energy!!! Yay for energy :)  I don't even think I realized just how much I didn't have until I did have it again!  I wanted to clean everything, stay on top of all that needed to be done.  For example, not leaving messy diapers to stack up and taking care of them pretty much right away.  That's what I was doing when I hurried around the corner and wedged my toes in between the corner of the couch.  I have spent the last week going back and forth between being able to walk just fine, and limping.  It's getting old.  My desire to have energy is still around so that's a good thing.  I just can't move as fast and evenly as I want to and that's starting to get frustrating.

But, in more positive news..... my appointments have been going well.  My blood pressure is at a beautiful record low.  Which is fantastic and a relief considering I admit to losing control of what I've been eating lately.  Between cold yucky weather off an on, being injured, and then the handbell festival last weekend... it's been more fast food than I want to fess up to and drinking less water than I should.  But I'm still trying to keep it healthy when I can.  I braved experimenting with tofu for the first time last night.  I made homemade general tso sauce, with rice and broccoli.  I didn't expect the boys to touch it.  But they both ate everything I offered them!  So things are still better than they ever were in either of my other pregnancies!

This baby is quiet.... except when he's not!  I don't feel too much most of the time.  I have to have been sitting still for quite some time before I feel anything.  The last two times, I pretty much was feeling this or that all day and mostly nothing in the night.  I learned I have an anterior placenta which means that it's attached in the front instead of typically in the back of the uterus.  It shouldn't be a problem at all considering it's already situated high.  If it were low and near they baby's way out that could be a problem, but it's kind of high in front.  So I feel a lot of movement down low and on the left side, only some higher up.  It's really funny watching when he migrates from one side to the other.  Starting off this pregnancy smaller, it's much more of a pronounced feeling and look when he does it!  No hiccups yet that I've noticed, whereas that was a frequent thing by now with both boys.

I was surprised at my last appointment to see I had gained a total of 13 pounds so far!  That's a good thing really.  With Oliver I only gained 11 and Elliott it was only 15.  While I try not to put too much weight into every single thing I read, I did read recently that it could be an indicator of a future problem if you start out at a healthy weight but don't gain at least 10 pounds by 20 weeks, which I definitely hadn't the other two times.  So to have gained 13 by 20 this time could be a good sign that things are moving along more normally! Fingers crossed!  I've been frustrated not to be getting any exercise in lately, but I hope to make it to a free prenatal yoga class at Babies R Us this weekend :)  Gotta start taking a little time to get this mamma ready to get this baby out!  And I walked a ton at the festival this past weekend so I like to tell myself that made up for some of it ;)

Well, that's about it for now I think!  Until next time... <3

p.s.  Special shout out to my mom who has been watching the boys for my appointments, which are kind of only going to become more frequent coming up!  Also, to Jeanne for hauling her car seats out of her van so we could test them in our care before committing to buy to make sure they would fit three across! They do, and we've already got them, Oliver thinks he's excited for a new car seat for "the brothers" and wants to know where the baby's is! And for buying baby his first "new to him" onesies (picture later, they are so cute!)  And lastly to my friend Kim who found out yesterday she is also having a baby boy only 5 weeks behind me (a girl and two boys for her!!)  Thanks for not leaving me alone in the third baby is a boy club lol ;) <3

We interrupt our scheduled picture taking....

To bring you this exciting news...

If two is company and three is a crowd.... then I guess God decided we needed a crowd.... of boys that is!!!  We changed our minds last minute and decided to mix things up and find out what the baby is going to be!  Another boy!!!  Note the continued exclamation points!!!!  I knew it!!!  So There you have it.  Our family, with me and Ramona cat very outnumbered (I told her we had to up our game now lol), three beautiful boys :) 

In other news the baby is very healthy... weighing in at 10 oz, no sign of any cleft lip or anything like that, measuring perfectly! Very wiggly, but she said he was super cooperative <-----  see what I just did there?  He!!!!  Oh how easily you switch and I love him already.... he will still mostly remain "the baby" in passing conversation and we don't have a name yet.

I'm so excited!!!

Anyway... here he is...

16 weeks!

Hello anyone still with me :)

Four months pregnant!  I was talking to someone at MOPS last night about weeks vs. months.  She said back when she had her children, once you were past 6 weeks they just said 2 months, 3 months etc.  Certainly sounds easier.  Though I'm almost halfway already, I never felt like four months sounds all that impressive.  "How far along are you?"  "Four months" Four is a small number.  But 16 weeks.... 16 is a big number that makes it feel like I've come a lot further.  But I did have someone ask me the other day how many months that was.  So it's about four :)  I'm still trying to convince myself I feel pregnant and just enjoy it, not focusing on the negative, which is actually kind of hard to do as much as I don't want to be any kind of a negative person.  I think I've definitely been feeling some more movement, but this one is being a lot less obvious about it then the boys were so it's still kind of hard to tell.  I did learn that I do have a tilted uterus as I did with Oliver (not Elliott) but I was definitely feeling him move consistently by now, so I guess every pregnancy really is just different.  I can't wait until movement does become a definite and consistent though, that's really the best part, even in a few months when the kicking is directed straight at your bladder which doesn't feel fantastic, but it's still the best!

This week I sent an email for more information on the Johns Hopkins Birth Companion program.  Basically they are nursing students looking to log experience hours in childbirth support.  Though they did make it clear that while you may be assigned someone to your pregnancy, they are full time nursing students and in the end its rare, but you may end up getting someone else if the one assigned to you isn't available at the time you go into labor or potentially even not have gotten matched by the end.  That makes me a little uneasy, because historically if it can happen with me, it will.  So I guess this is just my first step in deciding on whether or not to have someone there to assist if I get the chance to do the whole labor thing.  I know I would find it more than difficult to justify spending the money to hire a doula.  At least then it would be so much less likely she just wouldn't be available.  But given the fact that even going into labor isn't a sure thing for me, let alone other factors that could effect whether I get to stay in labor.... that's a lot of money for a not for sure thing. Money I could much more easily justify for other things, like I also would love the idea of getting someone to be a mother's helper for a few weeks before and or after.  At least the need for help before and after is a definite.  But we'll see... plenty of time for that.  In the mean time I get to fill out a nice questionnaire for the birth companion program, so that they can match me with someone if I chose to start that process. 

Monday is my next appointment and then in two weeks we have what I hope will be our last routine ultrasound for the 20 week anatomy scan.  After all the non stress tests and ultrasounds with Elliott, I admit that they aren't as exciting for me anymore.  Those first two early ones this time were just as thrilling and i'll look forward to the one in a few weeks to see how big he or she has gotten etc, but I do hope that will be it from there!  And that's it for me this week, not much to say really :)  But thanks for reading just the same!

Until next time...

15 weeks.... Then, Then, and Now!

In my pregnancy with Oliver, taking weekly pictures turned out not to be a good idea!  It was overbearing, I was too picky about them being "the same" and then, well, the last trimester didn't even happen so I only had a few pictures of "growing baby" since I quickly got frustrated and gave up.  So when it came to my pregnancy with Elliott, I asked my friend if she would take the pictures for me.  She came up with the great idea to use her ipad with the number week on it and since we alternated houses for playdates each week, we would do it every other time she was at my house, coinciding with every four weeks.  They turned out phenomenal and we got quicker and more precise each time, end result = a beautiful collection of monthly pictures that I am still SO proud to look at to this day.  The one thing I had Nate do was to recreate the same exact 15 weeks picture in the same outfit as with Oliver.  Different walls, different couch, still managed to get the same framed picture in the background.... completely different look!  So I knew I wanted to do that again this time.

Surviving the snow storm we just had isn't exactly the best term to use.... I told my grandmother I'm not quite sure we survived it, but we have managed to be revived.  In the business I forgot that Elliott turned 15 months!!!  Which then reminded me NOT to forget that I had to track down my outfit for the 15 week comparison picture.  Funny story, I almost sold it in the yard sale I had with my friends in the fall.... what was I thinking?!?  Anything but the fact that it was 15 week outfit apparently!  Thankfully no one bought it, I'm sure I would have been happy had someone bought it then, but pretty unhappy today when I realized it was gone.  Anyways... so I put it on with suspense wondering how it was going to look considering I was a completely different weight now.  I was disappointed when it wasn't the amazing look I was hoping for just by how it felt.  But then let me tell you something, when we took the pictures and held the camera up against the tablet to make sure they were enough similar, I couldn't believe what I saw.   As I said last week, things aren't always how you feel they are!  And so I give you: the 15 week comparison pictures!

Excuse me while I take another second.... or two.... to be excited! And to note how perfectly Nate managed to replicate last years picture :)  It's not going to always work, but now that I've seen this, I can try to remind myself, even when I feel my worst, how healthy I actually am.... comparatively speaking!

This week's been really rough... we've all been through some various level of sick, most manageable, some not and Elliott is still going through it.  Every other day I have no energy and having been stuck in the house for several days was no help.

But this was fun...

 Yesterday was my birthday.... and the official 15 week day, and we did manage to go out to dinner which was nice!  We went to a really nice place in the city for restaurant week where you only have a few choices they course out which was a fun change in pace from Friendly's or pizza.... not that I don't love either of those things!  And tonight I got to go to MOPS mom's night out which was bowling!  I was worried I wouldn't have the energy to bowl much, but it turned out to be so fun with a great group of mammas that I will hopefully continue to get to know!

So that's about it for this week! Nate is kicking me off the desktop anyway.... how bossy... but I just wanted to get this done tonight before I didn't have time again for several days!  Thanks for reading <3

Until next time...

Vulnerability....

So this weeks topic is inspired by the fact that I got my MOPS (Mother of Preschoolers) welcome book in the mail... it's not possible I have a pre-schooler is it?!?.... Anyway, vulnerability is one of the short chapters in the welcome book and as I read it this morning with a whining one year old hanging on my legs I thought it summed things up pretty good for me right now.

Let's talk about my weight.  I never really felt super comfortable about that, but I didn't let it rule over me either.  In fact, looking back at pictures from college:

Look at us babies!!!!

I was actually pretty skinny.... not that that label matters... but I never felt like it.  Just goes to show you that what you think about yourself isn't always the case.  I tried going to the gym a few times over the years with success, and each time I did that I surprisingly was pregnant within a few months of starting (hint hint, think that means anything!?!) But then I would stop because I got too paranoid I would hurt something.  I also never ate well, at all.  Could have pretty much cared less what I ate.  Sure we had veggies now and then and I like fruit and all.... but other than that I just ate what I ate.

After Elliott was born, I would nurse him at night standing up and almost walking the room, it was easy, he was small and it seemed to work to get him back to sleep.  My mirror was in that path.  I spent a lot of time thinking "I am super mom, look at what I can do for this baby and stretch marks? who cares?"  "flames of creation" as my friend calls them :)  But I also spent a lot of time dwelling on how I really looked and more importantly how I really felt.  I felt like I always had to hide in a certain type of clothes that made me feel comfortable enough in my won skin.  I felt tired.  I felt unhealthy.  And I felt sad about thinking there was no way I was ever going to change that if I hadn't yet.  I had even gotten rid of any clothes I had been hanging onto "just in case they fit" again one day.  And one night something snapped and I felt tired of feeling that way.  Over the next 6 months I changed my eating habits.  I would like to say I also started "working out" but not really.  Let's face it, I hate it.  I am not a working out kind of person.  But I do like to dance, so I did Zumba type things on YouTube, fun stuff!  Long story short, I lost 30 pounds in 6 months and overall have adopted a lifestyle of eating habits that, even on my worst day now are better than my every day then.

Which brings me to my breakfast this morning (and my taco bell last night)

That's right.... star wars cereal.  I asked my mom to pick us up "fun cereal" for the impending snow weekend.  And this is what she got.  Oliver loves it so it was worth every non nutritional gram of nothing that is in this box! 

By my scale, and how I've been weighing myself for the last year, I've only gained about 5 pounds, which puts me at 132, still such a healthy weight for me.  The doctors office has it at more because I've been weighed on three different scales with jeans and shoes on.  Anyway, how is it possible that I feel worse than I ever did before and I've only gained 5 pounds.   Goodness gracious!  I told Nate I was just eating poorly and getting fat, because that's how it feels!  Is that how it's supposed to feel when you start off pregnancy healthy????  I don't care for it!  Of course he actually said just the right thing back, he said that from how I started there was no way that eating just some different from how I was and only gaining 5 pounds was me just being fat and that he could tell I looked more "baby-ish" this week.  Awww, he can be so sweet sometimes! keyword there being sometimes ;)  But that doesn't stop me from just feeling otherwise!  So I went to our local consignment store to get Oliver snow pants and decided it was worth the money to get a few long sleeved maternity shirts.  Oh boy can they make a difference!  Just wearing one last night made me feel so much better.... worth the buy.  I know I'll still wear whatever I want around the house, but for going out purposes it changes everything, so helpful hint if you ever find yourself feeling like this, buy a few legitimate maternity shirts.  Don't break your bank, but don't just settle for "bigger" shirts, actually get a few with those scrunched up sides that are longer and say "maternity" on them :)  Changes everything!

So I guess according to Nate, that's this week's news.... 14 weeks... is that I look more like I'm having a baby... But it's been a distracting week.  This coming month is Babies R Us baby gear trade in and I am trying to decide what to do about needing to fit three car seats in my car.  It won't be logistically reasonable for us to trade in my car any time soon, and I'm all for the cheapest thing is the thing you already have.  So I'm thinking about getting slightly more expensive, but slimmer car seats for the boys that should allow three across my back seat, but wasn't quite prepared to do that this month, though with the discount the trade in offers it really would be the cheapest way to acquire said new car seats so I'm working on that. With the snow coming, Oliver has snow pants but completely inefficient gloves so I'm guessing he won't be out there long, but I'm not really looking forward to it either way because it starts the messy roads, potential for slipping, need to defrost the car time of year that really only makes a mom's life that much harder!  We also are hemorrhaging cold air from every single place that opens and shuts in this house.  I was rather proud of myself for my solution to the front door issue!  Nate is right, the whole darn thing needs to be replaced, but that doesn't solve it short term.  Enter:

The Seattle blanket.... we didn't intend to spend any more money in the space needle gift shop than a magnet and a golf ball.  Very funny.  So when it came down to whether we would like a blanket for just $10 for having spent $60... sure why not!!!  Yesterday I pinned it up in front of the door and shoved it in the hinges.  Best blanket ever.  It's still cold by the door, but you can no longer feel unwanted air conditioning coming through it :)  Take that, house!

And on a last, more positive note.... I don't usually buy things that neither I nor anyone else I know can use... but at the consignment store yesterday I seriously couldn't resist this one.... you wouldn't be able to either and you know it!

How gorgeous is this little thing?!?  No one I know has a girl in 6 months sizes, and I won't know if this baby is a boy or a girl until July (more on that later) but I just had to buy it anyway... and for only $4.50 new with tags, even if my baby isn't a girl someone will have one one day and this will make a perfect baby shower gift when they do, so it had to be mine!

So yes.... vulnerable time for me right now... lot's going on, lot's to figure out, lots to think about, lots of things I should really stop doing but come on taco bell is really good stuff!  But in any case, maternity shirts are awesome so bring it on, all of it!

Until next time!

Well hey there baby!

So it's been a long time since I've done a blog post.  I just don't really have time.  The desk top is down in the office which is pretty secluded from the boys upstairs.... we did that on purpose so Nate could focus on his masters classes without being interrupted as much... and I don't like doing anything that takes more than a few minutes on the tablet because I just don't know if I will ever transition to be touch screen fluent.  So I rarely respond to emails in a timely fashion unless it's very important etc because when I get a few minutes to myself I would usually rather do anything else than what it is I actually should do.  But anyway, here it goes!  I wanted to do something other than just posting on Facebook every few weeks.  Ok that's really only because I read a lot of pregnancy blogs, looking for inspiration on how to better this pregnancy as compared to my other two in hopes of it being healthier.  These mammas that blog years and years of their lives, their words and thoughts just seem to flow and they never miss a beat.  I don't aspire to that, but if I could commit to a 365 day photo blog some handful of years ago, surely I can get some thoughts out other than "13 weeks!!!!(and many more exclamation points)"

So that's where we are. 13 weeks!!!!!!! Note the exclamation points!  Hello second trimester!

I still sometimes forget I am even pregnant.  Why?  Who forgets that?  Well when it takes two years of trying for the first baby, and almost another two years of trying for the second baby, and then with only one post partum cycle behind you, you're holding a positive pregnancy test, you tend to forget that you're not still trying for another two years.... because holy crap you're pregnant!  And not only that, but already 13 weeks now!  As in fully developed arms and legs, looks like a human, about to really start showing, not too long before you start feeling movement pregnant!

So that was a bit of a surprise :)  I knew I had wanted to get to Elliott's first birthday before even really thinking about a third baby.  Most of my friends have reported a loss of milk supply while still nursing and getting pregnant, and it was important to me that Elliott get that first year in (P.S I'm still nursing him to date which is awesome).  My period also hadn't returned yet so it wasn't much of an issue waiting really... though I admit when my friend's sweet baby girl was born in March I won't say I wasn't already thinking about it!  In September, everything started back up and I thought "ok well next month is Elliott's birthday so I'll just see how that goes after not having it for 11 months"  If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans!

Due Date:  July 20th, 2016!

Thankfully it seems like the beginning of my pregnancies are rather consistent and uneventful.  I don't really get any morning sickness.  With Oliver I was queasy for a few hours in the morning until I could eat and then I was usually good to go.  With Elliott I was always ridiculously hungry to the point where if I wasn't eating I would feel awful, so I just ate, and ate, and ate.  Did I mention it felt ridiculous!  With both, that subsided by about 10 weeks.  This time it was the same concept just a little more tame starting at about 6 weeks and now it's pretty much gone.  Though this baby is really back and forth on what it does or doesn't want me to eat.  I can eat fish sticks, but even the thoughts of salmon or anything like that as a meal really bothers me.  Nate has decided to call this one Spaghetti Baby, because I've eaten spaghetti the last three days for dinner and I LOVE it!!!

6 weeks

I kept this to myself for a while I think because I was just so surprised it happened right away so I kind of wanted to have something only we knew for just a little while.  Also... the reality of something very important to this one still comes and goes.  I've had two C-sections.  This one really really really needs not to be.  It's what I had wanted for Elliott, but at 39 weeks I still hadn't gone into labor and my blood pressure was high so I went ahead and agreed to the csection.  I spent a few weeks calling one practice at a time, with a few days in between because hearing "no we can't do that, it's too risky" would make my head spin every time.  I must have called 10 practices.  When all this was just a theory, I had been in touch through facebook with our local birth center to see if they had any suggestions of where to look into.  They had said they were actually taking VBA2C (Vaginal Birth after two Cesareans) on a case by case basis and to get back in touch with them when I was ready.  I procrastinated calling them, because I thought for sure there was no way possible it would ever work out.  But having heard so many no answers already, I figured I didn't have anything to lose so I dialed the number.  right away they referred me to a practice that they refer all their VBAC patients to and said to go through them first.  So again, I called not terribly hopeful.  The receptionist on the phone started taking down my information right away, including the fact that I had had two prior C-sections which she made not a single comment on.... at that point I saw a light.  I made an appointment for 8 weeks figuring if nothing else I would start there since it was not a no!

8 Weeks 2 Days... heartbeat 177!

And there I have stayed and feel like it's my best chance!  Both doctor's I've seen so far have given me the go ahead that if all is healthy and I go into labor by 41 weeks that I can "absolutely have a VBAC if I want to"  Not one mention of increased risk, not one "it's unlikely so you shouldn't count on it"

So if anyone prays for anything... pray for healthy, no high blood pressure, no pre-eclampsia, and major prayers for going into labor by 41 weeks.  I feel like if I've gotten this far, I can handle anything if I can just get there!

We told our families on Christmas day.  Nate's family in the morning and my family in the evening.  My family was the best reaction I've gotten from any of the three pregnancies from anyone.  It really was almost YouTube worthy, but I mostly think those are silly and of course since it was a surprise, no one was filming it anyway!

This was the last gift of the evening to my Grandmother.  A frame with all her great grandchildren in it... Oliver, Elliott, my niece Lyla, and the new baby picture says "I'm on my way" with the due date!  It took her a minute of looking at it and I was thinking my sister was going to get it first, she may have, but then all of a sudden my Grandmother yells "WHAT!?!?!"  And of course some others had been waiting to see what the gift was and my mom starts yelling "WHAT??"  Pretty much everyone in the room took their turns yelling that :)  It was crazy, but so fun!  And I must say that the pictures of the boys and Lyla look rather beautiful themselves!  So that was at 10 weeks.

I started exercising last week.  When I was pregnant with Elliott I did physical therapy for pain in my leg (with Oliver it started at 14 weeks, with Elliott a grand old early 10 weeks)  but that was about as active as I was which hardly counted.  I know I need to do better this time.  So for 30 minutes a day during Elliott's first nap, Oliver and I do exercise time.  Sometimes he does it, sometimes he doesn't.  I already feel so much better.  I don't feel so much like sludge anymore and I think I sleep better.  I was just dragging my feet the weeks before that because I didn't want to.  So far I've only felt twinges in my left leg, but fingers crossed it stays at that maybe with being a little healthier this time!

12 weeks

At my first trimester screening....

12 weeks 5 days... heart beat 161

This picture took an hour and a half to get!  The baby was straight up and down, which is not at all a good position for them to measure what they need to.  So I walked, I sat, I drank water until I was about to explode, I was on my left side, then my right.  Finally, when she was about to give up on me and make me reschedule, we tried one more time and sure enough the baby had flipped and she was able to get what she needed!  Stubborn much??  I remember having to go back for that test with Oliver because they couldn't measure his nasal bone, which obviously he has :)

As a side note.... all these years I could have died of Rubella apparently!!  the midwife who I saw read off all my blood work results and said that I was negative for the antibodies for Rubella which means my vaccine didn't take when I was young.  She said it was common in late 1980's vaccines, which I would have been like 1988 so there ya go!  Nice!

Annnnyway.... so that about brings up to date.  I've been a little more tired this week, but overall feeling pretty good.  And I *might* be feeling some movement when I sit or lay on my side.  I was 15 weeks when I started feeling Oliver move and 18 with Elliott, so given this is the third baby and I know exactly what I'm feeling for I wouldn't be terribly surprised if it's earlier.  Fun stuff! 

Thanks for hangin in there for a long first post.  Anything to follow shouldn't be this long :)  Until then!